Lazy Day

So I have been filling out applications like crazy.. today I took the day to just be lazy. I watched tv all day and baked brownies. I watched Twilight again for the millionth time, I just love looking at Robert Pattinson.. yummo!

My dad called and booked Zack's flight today. he leaves jan. 4th so at least I have a bit more time with him before he goes to stay for however long he will be there for. This is harder then I thought it would be for me. As a parent of a teenager it is easy to want your children to leave you alone. They aren't very fun to be around anymore, I know that sounds bad but teenagers are moody and mouthy. Maybe it is different for me because I am a single parent and don't crack the whip like a man would.. who knows. That seems to be where I am lacking. I give so much love and it is hard to say no all the time.

So my goals while Zack is in Florida is as follows.. this is just a rough draft we all know things can change and all..lol

1. Hopefully I will have a job by then but if not then get a job.
2. Get a new apartment
3. Go on a vacation (this might seem easy but believe me it isn't easy for me)
4. Start really dating. No more messing around, no more going half way into dating. I mean give it my all... I think I have been putting these past men at a disadvantage.
5. Start spending more time with my friends.

see.. that seems like a simple list. I think with the funk I have been in lately these might be doable goals. The last three things on the list will be the hardest. I am the kind of person who feels like I don't want to bring others down with me so I will just be by myself. I have to remind myself that I am a nice person and people like when I am around. I don't need to drag them all down with me, and I can accept their help when offered. That is a huge step for me. I don't like asking for help, I don't want anyone to think they have to be there for me. I am sure that is some deep rooted childhood issues of mine..lol.

I have been thinking of maybe going back to school and studying hospitality or baking..lol. After zack was born I worked at Marriott and I really loved it. The timing wasn't right when I worked there before but now I think I can really put myself whole heartily into it. Wouldn't it be amazing to work somewhere and travel? As for the baking.. well if you know me.. you will know I love cooking shows and I love kitchen tools. I swear I own almost everything from pampered chef. Anyway I would love to learn more stuff in the kitchen.. I am slowly teaching myself, but who knows if it is the right way. I am pretty sure someone has a better way of doing things..lol.

I have a twitter account and hardly have any "real" friends on there. They are all celebrities, cooks, or authors. I love reading what they are doing all the time..lol.

The friend that I am staying with hasn't decorated for the holidays. This is my first Christmas ever without a tree or lights or anything.. it is kind of depressing. I love it best when all the lights are off and the only thing on is the Christmas tree.. it is so peaceful and homey. My friend has two girls and two boys. one boy is in college and then it goes to 16, 11, and 1 1/2. being around the baby is fun and I like spending time with the girls. Girls are very different then boys. One of the daughters likes to bake like me so we get to chat about food. The other just likes when I bake things so she can eat them. Zack stays by himself in the basement.. it kind of drives me crazy that he doesn't socialize with all of us. I don't know how to make him start to do that without it becoming a fight.

Well have a great day.. thanks for reading. I think I will try to write in this once a day, it kind of makes me feel good putting all my problems out there for the world to handle with me. I know I am not the only one have problems and maybe something I write will help someone else. I like to think that might happen.