Zack is Back!

Here is Zack working hard at Dan and Rich's work, they fix big rig trailers. He seems to like doing this. And is helping Dan out a lot today at work!

This is my try at extreme couponing I got everything here and only paid $2.26!!

So Zack is back and Dan and him are getting along really well. I moved to Georgia the end of May we are living with Dan and family. I met Dan in Jr. High so it is kind of cool we reconnected after all these years. We picked Zack up from Florida on Wednesday and things have been going really well. He is going back to school and it starts on Monday.

I got a job at Food Lion so that is exciting, I have been enjoying my Summer hanging out with the kids and going lots of places including the pool, a lot..lol my tan is great lol.

I know it has been a while since I wrote on this blog but I hope to be better at updating this and letting everyone know how things are going.

Tootles!

Hello From Georgia!

Well I have been living in Georgia for 2 months now and I really like it here. I am closer to Zack but still have yet to see him. He is talking about moving back home or getting into the job corp which I think will be really good for him. He also wants to go back to school which I am so happy to hear. As a parent you want only the best for your kids and when they get off the right path it is kind of scary. I have met some really great people here in Georgia, living with my boyfriend and his brother's family is actually a lot of fun, constant activity going on. There are 12 of us here. You might think that is a lot and yeah it is however the house is really big so it all works out. the kids are really great and it is going to be sad when Dan and I get our own place :)

I have decided to be a extreme coupon person..lol I am hooked and I have my binder with coupons and everything. I have even joined a coupon train, woo hoo!! I am a bit nervous to actually shop and try to get free stuff.. hopefully I can do it tomorrow.

hopefully I will have some great couponing stories for you very soon!

A new year

Well Zack left for my dad's in Florida. Before he left he made my life pretty horrible, saying things like I hope you get cancer and die. I just don't get it. I spent his whole life loving him and doing everything and anything for him and he treats me like this. I know what you are about to say.. all teenagers hate their parents.. well you know what he can keep it to himself, I don't want to hear how much he hates me, then turn around and ask me to get something for him..that is just crazy.



I still haven't found a job. I am stressing big time. I don't know what else to do.. I am applying for everything and anything.. I just want to start working again. My friend is acting different towards me now that I am here.. I don't know why I haven't done anything to rock the boat but I haven't talked to her asking her what is wrong, I am afraid she will say I have to leave and then what will I do. It might all be in my head also.. who knows.



I went on a date last week with this guy Tim. I have been talking to him for about a month and we have similar personalities so that is fun. He has a pretty cool job and I want it bad..lol he is a equipment assistant manager for a hockey team. I have also been talking to a couple of other men, Anthony and Andy. They both seem very nice, but I haven't gone out with either of them yet. I am just going to see where this all takes me. This is my year! I am going to change my life around and make it about me for this year, I don't know how well that will be or how long that will last but I want someone to be nice to me for once.. to want to do something for me, instead of me always being there for others. That might sound selfish and maybe it is but I revolve my world around other people and I just get nothing in return. So if I want to date 3 men and see who is the best one for me then I will. If I want a crazy job that I never would have applied for before, then I will. and if I want to go back to school to do something fun like make cupcakes for the rest of my life then I will!!



I started another blog about cooking but I haven't done anything with it yet. I am going to start tomorrow when I try to make sweet and sour chicken. the name for the blog is Teach me new tricks and you should be able to see it on my main page here.. feel free to comment and follow it! wouldn't it be fun to share recipes and cooking questions? I think so..lol maybe I am just a dork but I am going to give it a try anyway.

So my friend Stacie is going to take me to Florida for my birthday. I was so shocked when she told me, I can't wait. I hope Zack will be nice and we can have some fun or else we will just do stuff without him. This will be my first time in Florida.

I started writing this blog entry because I was feeling sorry for myself.. well not really sorry for myself just kind of lonely. No one is here in the house, and some of you might think that would be heaven.. well to a point it is but I like being around people. But anyway.. I started writing this entry because I was feeling down and now I am feeling better. I love this blog.. I am able to put all my problems out into the world for the world to solve. It feels really great actually..lol

So hopefully tomorrow you will check out my other blog and see how my cooking went..lol I will post pictures and let you know how it tastes also along with recipe.

thanks always for listening.. you are my biggest motivator, my best friends, my cheering squad..thanks so much it means the world to me.

toodles!

Christmas 2010

Well here it is Christmas and it is really gloomy in my house. There is no Christmas tree, do family, no presents and no Christmas dinner. This is the first time this has happened to me. I feel like a failure as a parent But I just can't. I am living off of 300 a month. our cell's are off right now and I owe my aunt money. I just can't catch a break. I still haven't found work and I have sent out about a hundred applications and resumes. I just don't know what else to do. I have applied to everything and anything.

Zack had a setback this week and got totally drunk. I have found aa meetings for him and he has gone for the past two days. I really hope this helps him. He is fighting some battle with himself. He thinks I don't love him or want him. That I don't think he is living up to my potential. It hurts me and I don't know how to change his opinion. He can't stand talking to me so I can't tell him I love him, he wont be around me so I can't hug him. How is this my fault? We use to be so close. it breaks my heart.

I am struggling with myself also, how am I going to function when he is gone to florida? I am worried this is going to be the thing to break me and really push me over the edge into depression. I try to stay positive and happy but who is it helping? not me or my son. I just feel helpless and like I am ruining my son's life even though I know I am not the one responsible for his actions I feel like I should have seen something or known what is going on. How did I not know he was doing drugs and dealing, or drinking and cutting himself?

I thought that by putting this out there into the world I would feel better about it, but the truth is I just don't. I am so sad all the time and just feel worthless. Something has to give, and get better.


Well I just wanted to say merry christmas and even though we didn't have a holiday this year, I hope yours was filled with love, family and laughter.

Lazy Day

So I have been filling out applications like crazy.. today I took the day to just be lazy. I watched tv all day and baked brownies. I watched Twilight again for the millionth time, I just love looking at Robert Pattinson.. yummo!

My dad called and booked Zack's flight today. he leaves jan. 4th so at least I have a bit more time with him before he goes to stay for however long he will be there for. This is harder then I thought it would be for me. As a parent of a teenager it is easy to want your children to leave you alone. They aren't very fun to be around anymore, I know that sounds bad but teenagers are moody and mouthy. Maybe it is different for me because I am a single parent and don't crack the whip like a man would.. who knows. That seems to be where I am lacking. I give so much love and it is hard to say no all the time.

So my goals while Zack is in Florida is as follows.. this is just a rough draft we all know things can change and all..lol

1. Hopefully I will have a job by then but if not then get a job.
2. Get a new apartment
3. Go on a vacation (this might seem easy but believe me it isn't easy for me)
4. Start really dating. No more messing around, no more going half way into dating. I mean give it my all... I think I have been putting these past men at a disadvantage.
5. Start spending more time with my friends.

see.. that seems like a simple list. I think with the funk I have been in lately these might be doable goals. The last three things on the list will be the hardest. I am the kind of person who feels like I don't want to bring others down with me so I will just be by myself. I have to remind myself that I am a nice person and people like when I am around. I don't need to drag them all down with me, and I can accept their help when offered. That is a huge step for me. I don't like asking for help, I don't want anyone to think they have to be there for me. I am sure that is some deep rooted childhood issues of mine..lol.

I have been thinking of maybe going back to school and studying hospitality or baking..lol. After zack was born I worked at Marriott and I really loved it. The timing wasn't right when I worked there before but now I think I can really put myself whole heartily into it. Wouldn't it be amazing to work somewhere and travel? As for the baking.. well if you know me.. you will know I love cooking shows and I love kitchen tools. I swear I own almost everything from pampered chef. Anyway I would love to learn more stuff in the kitchen.. I am slowly teaching myself, but who knows if it is the right way. I am pretty sure someone has a better way of doing things..lol.

I have a twitter account and hardly have any "real" friends on there. They are all celebrities, cooks, or authors. I love reading what they are doing all the time..lol.

The friend that I am staying with hasn't decorated for the holidays. This is my first Christmas ever without a tree or lights or anything.. it is kind of depressing. I love it best when all the lights are off and the only thing on is the Christmas tree.. it is so peaceful and homey. My friend has two girls and two boys. one boy is in college and then it goes to 16, 11, and 1 1/2. being around the baby is fun and I like spending time with the girls. Girls are very different then boys. One of the daughters likes to bake like me so we get to chat about food. The other just likes when I bake things so she can eat them. Zack stays by himself in the basement.. it kind of drives me crazy that he doesn't socialize with all of us. I don't know how to make him start to do that without it becoming a fight.

Well have a great day.. thanks for reading. I think I will try to write in this once a day, it kind of makes me feel good putting all my problems out there for the world to handle with me. I know I am not the only one have problems and maybe something I write will help someone else. I like to think that might happen.

Nightmare on my street

So.. wow I can't believe it has been almost 2 years since my last blog.. that is crazy. A lot has happened in those two years. I have started dating again and my life has really become a nightmare.

My son Zack who is now 16 is having a very hard time right now. I guess he has been doing drugs and dealing. Not only that but he is drinking and cutting. He has been hospitalized twice now.. once for thinking of killing himself and then 2 weeks later for attempting suicide.

As a mother this is very hard on me. It has only been Zack and I his whole life. Like I have said in previous posts we found my dad and his side of the family and they have been wonderful but I still feel like we are on our own. Maybe that is because I found them as an adult and they weren't there my whole life.. who knows. I know they think of us and wish us well and even love us now, and that is awesome.

So in September I lost my job. not only did I lose my job but I was in a car accident and lost my car, and now I have lost my apartment and in a week I will be losing my son. He will be moving in with my dad and step mom in Florida to get some help that he desperately needs.

Some of you know my background. I use to live in a very abusive home until I was 16. I was finally taken away from my mother then and put into foster homes. I was in 4 total. 2 were emergency foster homes which means for just a very short time you will be there.. maybe a weekend or such. The 3rd home was a good family, but they lived in a rough neighborhood and I was scared out of my mind.. growing up in oak park I really didn't have those worries. Then I was at a practically all black school and I was the only white girl and girls wanted to beat me up all the time.. it was crazy. I then left for my last foster home and that was ok but the older daughter and I didn't get along very well.. you see I wasn't a bad kid.. I listened and did what I was told.. living in an abusive home will teach you those things..lol. anyway I was always fighting with this girl and it ended badly and I had to leave there and went on to live at maryville academy in DesPlaines which I loved it there.

so after maryville I lived with the family that ran the home in maryville for a short time before I went to college, then the summer after my first year I got pregnant. I have basically been doing things my own way my whole life. I have never depended on anyone for anything.. it is hard when you are put into a position where you are depending on someone and every second of every day you feel bad for being dependent on them. I think this is my main reason I am not married or in a serious relationship with a man. It is hard for me not to be in control of everything.

Anyway.. back to Zack. So next week.. I will have lost everything.. I will have no worth.. isn't' that crazy to say, I wont have a job, a car, a place of my own, or a child. Even writing that hurts me. I am a very strong woman and to sit down and type that is really hard. I am afraid I am falling into depression, I hurt all the time. My son can't get away from me fast enough and that hurts like you can't believe. I don't do anything to him that would hurt him or make him hate me.. he just does. Everyone tells me it is normal and most teenagers go through this but when it is only you and that teenager for ever and then they say they hate you and can't live with you.. well it pretty much ends your world.

Zack use to be such a momma's boy.. it use to drive me crazy.. but then again..of course he was. His dad has never made an effort to be in his life so there have been no male roll models in his life. So to go from a kid not wanting to leave your side to a kid who can't get away from you fast enough is heartbreaking. I know I haven't done anything to prompt this.. but I still feel like I have done something wrong. I am not a perfect person.. I am nice..sure but I still have my flaws.

So now.. I am staying with a friend of mine and looking for work. Hopefully things turn around and my life stops trying to throw me off a cliff. I just want to have a nice life.. nothing crazy.. just be happy again. that shouldn't be too much to ask for right.

Such A Slacker ( I stole this from Maryanne :) )

ha ha.. this was a photo I just posted from high school.. come on.. I look cute in this outfit right!

so wow.. it has taken me 2 months to update my blog.. geesh.. that is terrible right? Well sorry about that.





I really haven't done much since then. My dad came and went and it didn't end well and we still aren't talking.. I feel this way about it. My dream was to meet my dad and get to know him. I fulfilled that dream and maybe that is enough.. I really learned what kind of person he is and not at all up to my standards.





Zack has started high school and is like a yo you in grades. The good news is that he is bringing them up and really trying to do better. He isn't use to homework.. thanks to all his other teachers thoughout his life not believing in homework..sigh.. but after the first few missed assignments he got it in his mind that he needs to do it.. well that and no xbox 360 or computer until the grades come up..lol I know.. I am so mean.





So.. I belong to myspace and facebook and for the most part I have neglected my myspace friends.. sorry about that. I really like facebook, and I love how you get all the notifications, so you can reply right away. and the bowling buddies is the best.. play with me will you.. well so I can kick your butt..lol





I should have titled this blog ding dong the witch is dead but that was too mean.. plus slacker was a bit more to the point..lol I learned yesterday when I was at work that a certain coworker of mine who I don't get along with is transfering to a different store.. come on say it with me.. WOO HOO!!! it is margarita time! Now I know you all know me and are thinking.. what the heck.. Mindi likes everyone.. and you would be right.. that just goes to show how terrible this woman 46 year old grown woman treats me! but that is ok. I have a countdown going 4 more days of horror then back to sunshining days!





So on facebook I have been chatting with some really old friends.. not that they are old.. just that I haven't talked to them in a really long time. I must admit it feels like christmas time whenever I learn something new about someone I use to know. One of my very best friends from high school Charisma and I chatted most of the day yesterday and I am happy to say that her life is good now. It is such a great feeling because you always want your friends to be happy and healthy and sometimes that isn't always the truth.. I learned some things that saddened me from her about some other friends but I wont go into that because that is for them to work out.





I have been getting a kick out of peoples responses to some pictures I posted from high school on facebook.. it is so funny to see the way we dressed and the things we did.. can we say mullet anyone? ok those were fun times.. I loved growing up in the 80's and 90's. Have you ever had someone ask you "If you could go back and do high school all over again would you?" I have heard most people say no way.. not me.. I loved high school. It was one big social hour for me. I did ruin many a school dances for my dates because I don't dance.. not at all.. not even a little big.. well I do slow dance.. so unless it is all slow dancing.. you wont see me on the dance floor..lol sorry about that boys. I have always been like that and most likely would never change.. what would I do if I ever got married.. well.. who knows. I do like doing the occasional macarana and electric slide.. maybe because everyone else is doing the same thing.. so maybe if I ever get married.. all my songs will be ymca, macarana, electric slide and cowboy joe or whatever that song is.. mixed in with lots of slow songs...lol yeah right.. you are saying.. those of you who got married and hardly got to enjoy it because you had to make the rounds and take the million and a half photos with your friends and family..lol well that is all a part of it right.. so I wont complain.





geesh.. why am I talking about weddings.. and me getting married.. that is funny. it just popped into my head. As most of you know.. I don't date. I swear the man I am supose to be with for the rest of my life will knock on my door and tell me I am going to marry him.. it is all arranged and I have nothing to say about it..lol yes.. that is my dream man. I just have way too many problems dating. Now when I was younger.. geesh I always had a boyfriend.. maybe it was easier because there were so many boys in high school and college. I mean what else are you supose to do besides have a boyfriend and be happy in school right..lol Now everyone is married and with kids.. not that I am complaining.. I like kids... I have one of my own.. (if anyone wants to trade.. even for a week.. give me a call I will even send the xbox 360). But do I want more kids.. I mean have them myself. Lets just say that all days even no.. all days odd.. yes..lol mainly because I had a terrible pregnancy and mainly because Zack is 14 and starting over with diapers, formula, daycare is kind of scary..lol. Would I do it again.. yes.. but don't make me think about it.





geesh there I go again talking babies and marriage. what day is is.. oh it is the 3rd so see.. I was right.. odd days I think about stuff like this..lol maybe I should only date on odd days.. then I might be more willing to see him again..lol just kidding! well maybe..lol





Dating I know I touched briefly on it.. it is hard for me. I think because I am comfortable being single. Being a single mom has never bothered me. Can you believe that.. maybe because I was always a single mom.. from the moment I found out I was pregnant and told Zacks dad and he left me. yeah..that is a different story..lol I am ok with it though.. it's not for him.. you know.. you can't make people be parents.. lord knows I tried..lol it doesn't work. And I have standards for men who want to be a part of my life.. like he has to have a job, a car, and a place to live.. what I mean by that is not living at home with his parents.. come on guys.. if you are still living at home and not taking care of your dying parents then you are a moocher! ok.. now I am getting a bit riled up..lol. No seriously.. a car right.. I am not a taxi driver nor am I a atm!





Ok that last paragraph should scare the guys away for at least another year..lol





So I am not really into baseball.. gasp right.. nor am I really into football.. but I suffer along with it because it is really really important to my family. so I try to follow along. you know what I wish the cubs did that the soxs do.. I wish they had fireworks. yep that is why I would go to a game.. to see the fireworks.. pretty sad huh.. well that and the nachos..lol Don't get me wrong I have my favorite sports.. like Hockey (Go Blackhawks) they are very promising this year.. woo hoo! and a new favorite of mine is the Chicago Shamrox.. they are professional lacross.. I love it.. it is more action then a hockey team.. and the things they can do to each other and get away with blows my mine.. I love going.. now if only I can find a jersey on ebay..geesh.. get with the program people.. I know they have only been in season 2 years but I don't want to pay full price..lol. I wish I could get season tickets.. they are really cheap but because I work nights and weekends, that would be a waste. GO HAWKS AND SHAMROX!!





A little bit of info you probably didn't know about me. When I lived at maryville we got to go to the games a lot.. my home and a boys home really. The wertz family sponsered our home so we were really lucky. on thanksgiving and christmas we got to spend time with the hawks and their families.. I loved those times. that was when I became a fan. I got personal with the players.. I have lots of pictures from one of the nights.. I should post them sometime.





Holy cow.. I have typed a lot today.. I will save some for tomorrow! Yes I will try to be back on tomorrow.





here is something to leave you with. If you haven't already.. join facebook.. look me up and add me to your friends list. You will get a rush when you find those long lost friends and start talking to them again.. I promise you.. so do that for me.. join today!





See ya!


Mindi